In Confidence, Fulfillment, Happiness

Self-doubt reigns strong within almost all of us.

It shows up in different ways for different women at different times and to differing degrees.

Your self-doubt may be mild or severe.

It may be fleeting or steady.

However it shows up for you, I want you to know you are not alone.

Recently, I gave almost 200 women an opportunity to identify their areas of struggle or disappointment or sadness. These are the things that fuel self-doubt. I collected the checklist responses and shared them anonymously back to the audience. Below are examples of what four real women shared:

Woman #1:
• I don’t think I’m enough.
• I’m a mom…and I feel guilty about something almost every day.
• I am afraid of what my future holds.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.
• Mean words form others have destroyed my confidence.
• I don’t have confidence.
• I am unfulfilled in my job.
• I consistently compare myself to others.
• I don’t have any dreams for the future.

Woman #2:
• Mean words from others have destroyed my confidence
• I don’t have confidence.
• I don’t think I’m enough.
• My life hasn’t turned out the way I hoped it would.
• I struggle with shame over past decisions.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.
• I’ve been passed over for promotions I thought I’d get.
• I suffer from anxiety.
• I am estranged from one of my siblings.
• I struggle to feel happy.
• I consistently compare my self to others.
• I am afraid to speak up in meetings for fear I will say something stupid.
• I’m a mom….and I feel guilty about something almost every day.
• I am afraid of what my future will hold.

Woman #3:
• I am afraid to speak up in meetings for fear I will say something stupid.
• I don’t think I’m enough.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.
• I suffer from anxiety.
• Mean words from others have destroyed my confidence.
• I suffer from panic attacks.
• I am unfulfilled in my job.
• I consistently compare myself to others.
• I’m a mom…and I feel guilty about something almost every day.

Woman #4:
• I don’t have any dreams for the future.
• My life hasn’t turned out the way I hoped it would.
• I’ve lost my mom or dad early.
• I’m in a difficult financial situation in life.
• I struggle with shame over past decisions.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.
• I suffer from anxiety.
• I’ve been unhappily divorced.
• I feel hopeless.
• I suffer from panic attacks.
• I am unfulfilled in my job.
• I struggle to feel happy.
• I am afraid of what my future holds.

One of the options on the checklist was “What me? None of these apply to me. Life is good.” Of the 200 women, this box was checked four times. That is 2% of the population.

Almost everyone is struggling with something. Most, silently. My heart breaks for these women.

Would you like to give some thought to how you are doing? You can complete the same checklist, anonymously, as the four women I’ve shared by going here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/difficulties

So, what can you do if these kinds of struggles are present in your life? Doing something is necessary!

Five ways to conquer self-doubt:

1. Believe in yourself.

Maybe you’ve had people in your past tell you that you’ll not amount to anything. Maybe they’ve encouraged you to think small. Don’t! Think big.

Perhaps you’ve had some setbacks in your life. Some things didn’t turn out the way you had hoped. Don’t give up. Don’t stop trying. Know that you will amount to whatever you set your mind to. You are the one who gets to decide.

If you think it, you can achieve it.

2. Accept yourself.

We can look at this in a couple of different ways. Be kind to yourself, accept yourself for who you are. Also, accept that you have some limitations. This may feel contrary to “believe in yourself.”

The fact is we all have limitations. You may have wanted to be a basketball player, but you’re 5 feet tall. You may want to compete on The Voice, yet you’ve sung off key your entire life.

What are you good at? You may be a patient and kind listener; you may be an amazing baker; as you look back to high school, perhaps you excelled in art class.

The key is to not focus on your limitations. Focus on the strengths you have been given. Leverage those!

3. Deal with inner and outer critics.

Are you your own worst critic? Do you have an “I’m not good enough” voice inside?

“I’ll never be as talented as her.”
“I’ll never be as successful as them.”
“I’ll never look as attractive as them.”
“What if no one reads my stuff?”
“What if I fail?”

This voice needs your permission to stay.

How can you intentionally change what you’re telling yourself? The easiest way I’ve found over time is by taking action. One step at a time, keep learning, making decisions and figuring things out. Little by little, you’ll see progress in the direction of your dreams.

4. Set realistic goals.

Be realistic about the short term. Are you setting yourself up to fail? We very often underestimate what can be accomplished over the long term as we make steady, daily progress. Rather than focus on the big master list, break it down into realistic steps.

5. Take small steps.

What is the one next thing you can do? As I’ve considered the long list of things that I need to figure out for an online business, I sat down one day (well, several days, actually) and created the master list I mentioned above.

What are all of the buckets that need attention? Taking photos, shooting video, editing video, selecting music, writing content, graphic design, creating a website, creating a Facebook group, creating a course, building a course, creating a YouTube channel, doing Facebook Lives, writing a book, and more. You get the point.

The master list is overwhelming. And, I found it very easy to start to feel panicked. And it was even easier to put my hands up in the air and say, “There is no way I can figure this out.”

So, the obvious solution was to do one thing at a time.

To date, I’ve been working on this master list for 18 months. And one by one by one, I’ve checked so many things off the list.

I still have plenty to figure out, but I’ll do it along the way. And this is okay. Sometimes, we have longer to figure out our dreams than we tell ourselves.

Where do you struggle with self-doubt?

I encourage you to find comfort in not being alone on this.

 

If you’d like to watch one of my videos on overcoming self-doubt, you can find it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt9cUCsFOVM&t=10s. While you’re there, hit the Subscribe button to be notified of future videos.

 

I’m grateful for you.

 

Have a lovely day!

XOXO Aleta

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